(image from ashesandsnow.org)
If I asked you what area of your life is not really fulfilling for you, what area of your life is most compromised or lacking, I will guess that 90% of you will answer “intimate relationship.”
This does not mean to imply that we all have dysfunctional relationships or that we are all lacking relationships. I say that many will give this answer because the process of exploring and deepening one’s intimate relationships is endless and infinite.
Relationships have no end to development and deepening. You will never reach the day where you can look at your to do list and cross off “perfect relationship.” There are always deeper levels of honesty and intimacy to explore. You can always deepen your celebration of love.
As women we have an intuition in our heart that intimate relating can be more ecstatic than what most of us experience currently. Intimate relationship can be one of our most profound teachers.
A deep relationship can gift us profoundly, and yet many of us have settled for less. We collapse into cynicism imagining that an amazing relationship is just a dream. In our effort to ignore our dissatisfaction we direct our attention elsewhere. We don’t fully feel our emotions of frustration and instead we watch TV, eat junk food, and numb ourselves to our experience.
Many of us is trapped in daydreaming and postponement. We compare this moment with an ideal future state, telling ourselves that one day we will experience love as it was meant to be. We will find the perfect partner, the perfect lover, the perfect person, or even more common, one day my partner will change and be perfect.
When we get stuck in projecting our longing into the future we continue to numb ourselves to the present experience. Pay attention to the longing for love inside of you, present here right now. It is a powerful force. When you stay here in the present, experience this longing in your heart, you become softer, more vulnerable, and more receptive of life. You become more receptive to love. Not as a dream in the future, but as a lived reality now.
You can bring this love into your life right now, this very instant. Don’t focus too much on the specific object of your longing, but rather pay attention to the source of your longing. The first step to bringing a deep satisfying love into your life, is to realize and directly experience that the love you are longing for is not out in the world. It is in your own heart.
(This is an excerpt from a home study workbook I am writing. Coming soon)
in deep infinite longing,
Chameli
Yes, oh thank you… This is perfect timing. In the last couple of months I have realized just this. I painted a soulmate mandala and when I finished it I realized that it was for me, not someone’out there’.
I am my soulmate !
I listen to love songs on the radio now and instead of longing, I sing them to myself.
I am the one being loved. My Heart is full.
Thank you once again dear Chameli. Spot on.
yes, chameli-
divine timing for me too.
these thoughts have been on my mind heavily the last two days… while feeling a deep longing for love; while also, wishing my partner could fulfill that space.
BUT, now i see clearer.
i like how cynthia above clarified it “I am my own soulmate”.
wow! that solves the whole dilemma i once had!
no one to ‘make perfect’ except for me.
i better go. i gotta get busy!
–deep balanced love and thanks to you!
You wrote when you stay in your heart “you become softer, more vulnerable, more receptive of life”. Yes! Thank you for that affirmation. As an awakening-women-in-process, this is a great reminder for me. My mind sometimes tells me that I am not meant for this world, but really, as I open myself to life, and notice the sense of vulnerbility, this is just the voice of my old self, the one I am consciously stepping away from. It’s a pesky voice, I have to admit. It’s very helpful to be around and hear from others, who can encourage and understand. I am lucky, I have now found the love of my life. But I will tell you, opening to the true deep intimacy, felt like I was walking off a cliff. I was surprised how much courage and steadfast discipline it took, not to run away. We are all on the healing path. Thanks so much for your help!
in this love,we become real. raw willingness in the midst of all the old habits that want to keep then doors closed. the longing is my guide, this acing in my heart. Guide me deeper. Guide me deeper into you.
I bow to you sisters
chameli