The luminous Heart of Shakti is in an instant made opaque
by our stubborn loyalty to the sandcastle of thoughts we call Me.

With our back facing Her brilliance,
we dress our world with armors made of self righteous
claims to be flawed.

We meet the moment as if we know it already,
as if we have it all figured out,
ignoring how astonishing new born She is.

Like a shivering bride, She waits to be undressed.
Yearning to be exposed, to be seen.

We resist Her, ignore Her,
lust for Her, use her, or fight Her.
But all She wants is for us to truly see Her and to lean into Her, for us to trust Her enough to relax our tight fists,
to let go into the bath, and let Her take the wheel.

She does not promise you that story of Happy ever After,
none of those “spiritual carrots on a stick” that keep you hostage in the chase for that which could be,
or that which once where. She respects you too much for that.

She promises you an unfiltered life as a Yogini,
with roots in all directions breathing in, and as, this crazy, horrific, achingly beautiful world.

~ Chameli
#YoginiSadhana

Photo by Bibbie Friman Awakening Photographer (copyright)

We practice to stay present with the raw experience of this moment experienced as sensations in the body, always shifting and changing, and thus begin to “see through” the solid appearance of form. All that which looked so solid, seemed so stuck, so difficult and limited, turn out to not be so opaque as we thought. We directly experience, in our bodies, the movement of energy which is the essential nature of all form. This is what we call Shakti, the dynamic creative aspect of God.

Our practice is an undressing, a holy striptease where the borrowed clothes, the too tight clothes, the clever clothes, the clothes we have outgrown slowly fall to the ground composting themselves into deep roots of compassion and freedom.

We practice a fierce willingness to let the this moment touch us for real, and the experience of life in this woman’s body becomes more transparent, fluid. Yes, it feels vulnerable but breathing right into the ache of our humanness and the astounding beauty of the infinite heart, we have a taste of the wilderness which is at the root of the world, ourselves.

Only the brave ones dive into the deeper waters,  I am so grateful that we can do it together.

:: Let’s practice.

Embodied Awakening

Bring your breath and your awareness to the center of the pelvis.  
Enter the center of your pelvis with your Presence, until
you are no longer aware of the pelvis, you are inside the pelvis,  
you are this area in the pelvis.

With your eyes open and look around you as if your eyes are in the pelvis.
Notice the space around you, and the space within you.
Feel your body as transparent, permeated with space.

Move your awareness up to the center of the chest, and repeat the practice.
Move the awareness up to the center of the head, and repeat the practice.

Complete by filling the entire body with Presence all at once.
Notice the spaciousness and stillness of your body as awake consciousness.

~~~

I am so excited to finally have the opportunity to share with you the bigger context of our practice,
and the depth of beauty that this path offers us. We start the Shakti Dharma Series this Saturday, May 11th.

Deep bow,

Chameli

To those who withhold refuge,
I cradle you in safety at the core of my Being.
To those that cause a child to cry out,
I grant you the freedom to express your own choked agony.

To those that inflict terror,
I remind you that you shine with the purity of a thousand suns.

To those who would confine, suppress, or deny,
I offer the limitless expanse of the sky.
To those who need to cut, slash, or burn,
I remind you of the invincibility of Spring.

To those who cling and grasp,
I promise more abundance than you could ever hold onto.
To those who vent their rage on small children,
I return to you your deepest innocence.

To those who must frighten into submission,
I hold you in the bosom of your original mother.
To those who cause agony to others,
I give the gift of free flowing tears.
To those that deny another’s right to be,
I remind you that the angels sang in celebration of you on the day of your birth.

To those who see only division and separateness,
I remind you that a part is born only by bisecting a whole.
For those who have forgotten the tender mercy of a mother’s embrace,
I send a gentle breeze to caress your brow.

To those who still feel somehow incomplete,
I offer the perfect sanctity of this very moment.

Image: Zeng Hao

Guest blog: Poem by Yogini Miri Kalliwoda
Sharing from her experience of our Yogini Initiation Retreat in India

Warmly welcomed and loved – home
Surrounded by “blow your horn” sounds – chaos and balance
Space, moving in and out, at different speed – breath
Always challenged – trust

Walking with monkeys and cows – ”humanimals”
Durga, Sarasvati, Lakshmi – Sadhana
Stone people, ShantiMayi, puja – offerings
Flowers, Yoga, chanting – connecting body and soul

Speaking without words – silence
Going inward – receptivity
Waiting, listening, receiving – initiation ceremony
Feeling held by Mother Earth – roots

Expressing and dancing in fire – riding the tiger
Hey Ma Durga, Adi Shakti, Gayatri – Yogini choir
Sharing darkness and light – awakening
A healing circle – sisterhood

Bathing in these waters – Ganges
Feeling cold without freezing – surrender
Sipping it in without drinking it – blessed holiness
Dying without dying – rebirth

Flying with the bells of freedom – hreem
Stepping into the unknown – challenges and changes
“Doubt your doubts, stop it now” – commitment
Alive and yet at ease – peace

Sadness, anger, joy, gratitude – wholeness
Seeing me and you – oneness
Passion, compassion, devotion – a divine gift
Following your heart’s voice – love, love, love

Endless gratitude and love to Mother India, Chameli,
Carina-Maria and the timeless circle
And remember “Åh Gud, when it’s time it’s time”
May our hearts be filled with love – always
Namaste

Miri

Photo by: Bibbie Friman

By Chameli Ardagh

In this shimmering opening between the in-breath and the out-breath, in an exhilarating moment just about to tip over the edge of what is known, sensing the unfathomable potential in the vastness beyond, I remember Mary Magdalene.

I remember Mary, Miryam the Migdalah, as She is standing there facing the empty grave. I wonder what She was thinking, what sensations and feelings rushed through Her body?

She has come alone to His grave, carrying with Her sacred tools for the ritual She wanted to perform.
The entrance of the grave is open, and inside it is empty.
Not able to fully comprehend what She sees, She senses someone behind her and when she turns around thinking it is the gardner, she desperately asks what they have done? Where have they taken his body?

Then She sees. It is Him. Jesus, Jeshua. He is resurrected from the dead.

The image haunts me, tickles me, challenges me. What is it really, that She sees in that moment?

When She cries out in astonishment “Rabboni, My Beloved Master!”
Jeshua gently responds “Do not cling to me… but go, tell the others that I have arisen,” and thus She is shaken into Her “restoration to fullness of being” (Gospel of Phillip.)

Do not cling to me… but go, tell the others that I have arisen.

Jeshua saw it, Miriam saw it, that it was crucial that She, in order for the teachings to grow roots in the right soil, had to relax her clinging to what had been. Even His teachings would turn into plastic the moment She would “cling” to form instead of stepping into the authority of what had opened within Her. She, a woman was the one that was to be the witness and the voice of the miracle.

The miracle in this story, is not only what She saw, perhaps even more important is the awakening to clear seeing that happened in Her. Her undefended willingness to let ALL what She had known up till then fall to the ground like rose petals at the feet of Spirit in its stripped naked glory. And last, but perhaps the most important miracle in this story, is what She did next.

She saw that Spirit takes forms which moves through birth and death, yet just as the ocean does not die when the wave dissolves, Spirit itself does not die. She saw that Spirit is eternal. In seeing Jeshua there in the garden in front of the empty grave, She faced the eternal light of Being. As we put it in the Yogini tradition, she “saw with a thousand eyes”. She saw, She really saw, the true nature of spirit within All, and yes, within Herself.

No longer the object
of my affections
he has become the
subject of my truth

~ Robert T. Pynn

This is where we meet Miriam across the mirage of time, Yogini sisters face to face with the courage that is demanded of us. More than 2000 years later we find ourselves still hovering on that edge, trembling in that pause between the breaths. Yogini sisters, calling on each other to rise.

Have we, you and I, seen the eternal spirit? Yes, we have (We have, we have, we have.) If so only for a moment, we have seen.

Is this a miracle? Yes it is (we have seen the face of Spirit, sister, tell me have you allowed the “taking for granted- blanket” grow that thick and dusty around your innocent capacity to be in awe? )

Are we indeed clinging to the packaging and dogmas which creates an illusion of separation, an abyss between wisdom-as-otherness and ourselves? Yes, I am afraid we do. We still do.

We are Yoginis, lovers of truth. Grand words. What does it take to live that?

Many of us can recognize similar encounters as the one by the grave. Perhaps not with a resurrected Jesus, but nevertheless you may have had the experience of fully laying down your guards and your cunningness in front of a true teacher, a stunning vista or your new born child, and all of sudden you found yourself looking into the flawless mirror of Consciousness, and in the reflection you could not but recognize the astounding beauty of who you are. But again, just as for Miryam, what is even more important than the miracle of this experience, is what did you do next?

Right here at the edge of the out-breath, having claimed my seat in the Yogini circle, a circle of fire, that will hold me to my commitment, that will push me, pull me, challenge me to, without necessarily knowing how, stand for what I have seen, I remember Miryam, as she turns around and steps into Her assignment.

She went back to the group of men and women who had gathered in mourning, and She told them what She had seen. She took charge. She sent for those disciples who had left town already. She became the “apostle of the apostles”. And in the text called the Gospel of the Beloved Companion (which although unknown to most of us, is viewed by some as one of the earliest gospels,) She goes on to share with them one of the most profound teachings found in the gospels. (This teaching will be the focus of our upcoming online Mary Magdalene Immersion.)

Did She shout from the rooftops, did she set up a soap box in the park? Knowing a bit about the political and social environment around Her, the answer is–probably not. But did She stand tall in Her knowing? Oh yes. She did. She could not rely on finding strength and approval and affirmation from Her surroundings, how could She? She was assigned to the post right at the leading edge! She had to find the source of Her authority in the intimacy of Her own love for what had been shown to Her. Her love, a pull of gravitation tugging on us still today.

She is still standing. Challenging us, Her Yogini sisters, not giving up on us, just yet. Oh, I feel Her, Her heart is on fire! She is still waiting for us to let go of the clinging to the known, to the authority of the father, the guru, the old theater of wisdom-out-there-on-a throne.
Are you spinning the endless hamster-wheel of seeking, or are you standing tall in the authority of what you have seen?

I am of course not talking here about building up a new spiritual ego-identity, of the same old “doing it my way”. That mindset belongs to another time long gone. Of course, I bow down in humble receptivity to wisdom in any form, masculine and feminine; two terms which by the way paradoxically have less and less meaning the deeper into these practices I move, and yet here I am, a Yogini, at the feet of the Women’s Circle, my guru.

Yet, I have witnessed it in myself and in my sisters, how we minimize the value of our path, simply because we cannot find confirmation from the outside. I witness how we still are waiting for approval, comparing the fresh kiss of spirit that we are offered in our practices, with the outdated models of spirit-embodied-by-men-only, how we still are moving in circles repeating the past. How we avoid that one scary step outside the circle-of-the-known and into the rush of self-arising wisdom expressed through us. Are we secretly hoping that someone else will do it for us?

Do we dare to lean into the edge of the vast unknown, bringing into form the promise of that encounter by the empty grave?
Is the feminine meant to have a real influence in this shift in consciousness that we feel in our bones is unfolding at this time?
Who will teach that?
Who will stand for that?
Are you the voice of the feminine?
Who else will it be?
Jeshua has passed on the torch, are we ready?

To “stand in truth” will obviously look differently for each one of us, but beyond the form it takes, it is first and once and for all to become a place of gravity in the momentum you call “my life.” To again and again, and again, release the addictive cramps of unworthiness, and return to the authority of Spirit. To dare to, even if your legs are trembling, face the greatness which in this very breath is pressing itself into you.

Archimedes said 2,000 years ago, “Give me a place to stand, and I’ll move the world,” and you can and you do. A stand is not a point of view. A stand is a place where you have vision.
A stand is that domain of distinction that distinguishes Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, César Chávez or Nelson Mandela. These are stand-takers who actually ultimately changed the course of history. They weren’t for or against, as much as they were standing in a field of power, beauty, and integrity that allowed positionality to dissolve around them so that the destiny and evolution of the human family could actually move forward.

~ Lynne Twist

Mary Magdalene,

sometimes I secretly regret the day I turned that corner finding you standing there, your light almost blinding me. From the moment our eyes locked there has been no escaping the vision of union, and that it is ours to bring it into form.

In the pregnant pause between the known and the potential of what I only can sense, I cannot find any affirmation, acknowledgment, other than from deep inside. A whisper of knowing that is so undefined, so hard to grasp. Yet this is where I am standing, because I cannot do otherwise. There is no turning back. I cannot un-see what I have seen.

Shaking in my pants, but still standing,

~ Chameli

:: We are about to enter 21 days of practice with Mary Magdelene as our guide, and yes, of course, you can make the Sadhana into just another “inspirational fix”. Another item on your “done that” list, another spiritual trophy cluttering the pristine cathedral of your heart. Before you join, I encourage you to examine your intention, your sankalpa, closely. We are dealing with a lady who means business, so be prepared. My guess is that She will kick all your beloved excuses into star dust, leaving you trembling,  in the vulnerability of Greatness.

This event has begun; registration is closed. Our next Sadhana will happen in September. Sign up for our newsletter in the sidebar so you are sure to be invited.

Splendorous Yogini,

In your travels from the surface, into 
the landscape underneath Her skirts,
into body, into feeling, into form, 
you will hit those thicker places,
those denser, stickier, 
not-so-pretty, heavier places.
Guaranteed.

Nevertheless this is when we will question 
if we are still on the right path,
if we perhaps at some point took a wrong turn.
We will clench our fists in entitled indignation reminding Her
that this, this does not remotely feel like the holy ride we signed up for.
Guaranteed.

And then you realize 
that the return ticket you were clutching onto, just in case,
will take you back to a place now too narrow to fit you in any longer,
(those damn wings…)

And you stop.
And you breathe.
And you know, once again, that there is nowhere to go
but deeper into the thick of it all.
The moment opens up, in all directions,
and She will blow her sweet breath right through your heart
and She will whisper, Shiva is my man, I will take you to him. 

Trust me. Trust me with your life.

Guaranteed.

~ Chameli

Art by Negis Art

Lotus pollen wakes up in the heart’s center-
The bright flower is free from mud.
Where do the color and fragrance come from?
Why accept or reject them?
~ Kambala Yogini

Everything you experience,
each thought and feeling and bodily sensation
arises from the depth of the beauty which has no form.

Everything you experience,
each thought and feeling and bodily sensation move
through the gateways of the five senses before it
returns to the depth of the beauty which has no form.

Everything you experience,
each thought and feeling and bodily sensation
never leaves or returns from the depth of the beauty which has no form.

This experience you are having
right now (no matter if it is pretty or more, you know…ghastly)
is your gateway to freedom.

Dive in.

~ Chameli

Resting… Receiving

Drop your awareness down
into your womb area and pelvis.
If you like, put one hand
on this area of your body.
Allow your breath to sink down,
drop down.
Have patience,
no need to push.

Slowly let go of
any holding in this area,
as you would relax a tight fist,
and as you are doing that,
the breath is invited deeper
into your body.

Breathe into the hand on your lower belly,
relax the whole pelvic area.
Look around you, receive the colors, shadow, light.
Receive sounds, receive the movements around you.
Receive this moment while relaxing the womb area.

As you are resting deep within, allow, attract
and receive that which you long for.

Join us for our upcoming Mary Magdalene 21 Day Sadhana, April 3-23.
Early bird pricing until March 10th.

Photo by: Bibbie Friman