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Question for Chameli; What is the Divine Masculine?



Dear Chameli,
I love what you provide here, it’s very helpful. After rejecting the patriarchal religion I grew up in, for several years I’ve been seeking to allow myself to more deeply know and embody the Divine Feminine, to learn more fully who I innately am, and to engage clearly in sacred sexuality. I finally met a man who was earnestly seeking the Divine Feminine, and he’s been very encouraging of my explorations.
However, when we engage sexually, it feels like his energy is all about worshipping the Feminine, drawing energy from Her, suckling at Her breast, devouring Her — and I don’t feel the presence of the Divine Masculine, the partner, the complementation. Instead I feel like I’m nourishing a child who has an endless appetite. I felt like I entered the relationship as a whole being, seeking a whole partner, but it seems like he came into it looking for someone to fill the empty places inside him.
He also wants sex to be lusty, with “juicy” talk, things that remind me of past partners who indulged in pornography and wanted me to satisfy them. This, plus the feeling of being consumed by him, makes me feel unsafe — which is very depressing, because in other ways he’s so deeply supportive of who I am.
It’s hard for me to convey to my lover what I feel is missing, because it’s hard for me to define or describe. So my question is, where and what is the Divine Masculine? I feel like I get glimpses of Him here and there, in various men friends as well as in this man. And what are the ways that men can discover and develop their own embodiment of this Divine Masculine?


Thank you so much for writing so honestly about this topic, I think many women will find it very helpful.

First I want to share with you a little practice that you may want to do with your lover, that may bring new levels of intimacy, pleasure and connection with spirit for both of you.

Next time you are intimate together, make it a practice to keep the eye connection most of the time. Breathe and be present together. You can share with your man that having sex brings up different feelings in you, and that you will practice a new way of being with them, that will bring you closer to him instead of closing you down. That you simply need him to practice to be present, to hold the space.

In India this spacious masculine Presence is embodied through the God Shiva.  So the more you can feel Shiva in your partner, that he is totally there, the more you can melt and surrender as feminine essence. When feelings come, breathe into them, give them space and sounds, but drop the story attached to the feelings, the depth you long for you will find through the feelings, not through the story. Also use very little words. See if you can share your insecurity, your joy, your tears and laughter. Just in a free flow. Your man is to practice to stay centered, to not be swayed away, but fully present for you. In this he will be showered with feminine essence on a much deeper level then only the physical. The more he can provide you with that container the more he will be satisfied himself. It is like a loop. The same way the other way. The more you show him your vulnerability, the more he will step into presence. Your practice is to stay open even when feelings arise, to stay with him.

When you have established this container of Presence, it is possible that you will feel that it is okay and even fun sometimes to play with sexy words etc. Now you can move through whatever old feeling this may evoke in you as it arises, and be back in the flow of love. The eye connection is very helpful as a connection point when you begin to play like this. Then you can all them time feel each other being there together in love, and when you feel you loose the Presence, you can take breaks and breathe together again.

Now, it is important that once you are practicing that you don’t in any way correct him or criticize him. this will work against you. Have compassion with him and your self, and some humor. We are all doing our best.

The Divine Masculine takes many forms just like the Divine Feminine, Shiva is only one aspect. There are many ideas of how it should look like or not, and for us women it can be a trap to be too caught up in how our men should be or act. In this critical mode we are closing our own heart, and frankly it is not getting us what we long for. As you say yourself, you can feel the Divine Masculine when He shows up, in your lover or someone else. When you see Him in your partner make it a point to adore Him, celebrate Him , again it is all about the loop. When you see it in others celebrate it inside if that is most appropriate.

The Divine masculine and Divine feminine are showing up in relationships as a dynamic loop. We can easily interrupt that loop, by not feeling secure enough in our feminine. We stay in tense place where the man has no chance to enter. It is vulnerable to relax into the feminine, to allow for the man to show up and to come fully into us on all levels.

We have of course as women both masculine and feminine qualities, and we use our masculine sides a lot in our world today. It is nothing wrong with that. But when it comes to intimate relationhips it is very helpfull to be familiar and to feel comfortable in your feminine. For most of us this takes some conscious practice.

In our Awakening Women practice we are getting familiar with the realm of the feminine again, we practice to open and to receive, we discover new levels of strength in the most vulnerable places. We practice to allow the wild rain bow of feelings to flow through us like the weather. If you would like to start your own Awakening Women’s group you can get the manual here. We also have more home study materials in our web shop

Many blessings on your exploration

With Love, always




  1. Heike Lorenz says:

    Vulnerability heisst Verletzlichkeit… falls Du bist jetzt noch keine Antwort gefunden haben solltest. Ich bin eben auf diesen Blogpost gestossen auf der Suche nach Informationen about the Sacred Masculine-

  2. James says:

    Two seperate thoughts: encourage your partner to embody the sacred masculine, as you ar in your work to embody the sacred feminine. I recommend the erotic rockstar, Destin Gerek as a good resource, his blog: Secondly, your thoughts and feelings for your partner influence his reactions. Treat him as the sacred masculine and watch it come alive. 

  3. awakeningwomen says:

    Dear Sister,

    I can feel your dilemma, and how hard it must be to know what is the right thing to do…
    Of course no one else can tell you what to do either (bummer:).

    The one thing that comes to me, is to commit to be as much as possible in integrity, I think this will make it easier to listen to inner guidance. With this I mean to be transparent with your husband about what is going on. Even if it feels scary to tell, this way you stay in integrity you have nothing to hide, and it will be clearer what the next step will be. Maye this will even open to a more real and grown up connection between you and your husband which will be a gift whatever the outcome of this situation will be.

    I would also wait with making choices, or trying to figure out what to do. Right now it is unclear, so take it one breath at the time. If it is not clear, it is not clear. Then you wait.

    But honesty is always a good place to start, things become raw and aching, but they become real.

    Showers of blessings to you,

  4. Sister-in-infatuation-with-Divine-Masculine says:

    Dear Sisters,

    I am in a deep trouble!!!!!

    During my journey of awakening spiritually and sexually to my divine Feminine I made a very distressing realization. My husband since the past 24 years, who has sacrificed his professional life to worshipping me, his wife, is literally dragging, draining energy from me, suckling at my breast, devouring me — and I don’t feel the presence of the Divine Masculine, the partner, the complementation, the divine union with him. I realized it has never existed. He is completely dependent on me, and wants me to decide on everything. This has been such a responsibility and burden on my shoulders, that I am about to collapse under such a psychological load.

    In my distress I have met a Divine Masculine, himself also married the past 24 years, with whom I have been able to connect in such a Divine manner, that my heart has been yearning for ages. The way Chameli describes in her answer. Such a wonderful divine experience which cause delight -physical and emotional- that lasts days afterwards. Our secret rituals which empower both of us to encounter the harsh life and daily routines, and difficulties with our respective spouses.

    I felt obliged to tell my husband, like he had to tell his wife. What shall I do???? It does not feel right to divorce from my husband after so many years of common journey. However it does not feel right to continue the marriage where it is obvious that we never can connect in such a soul & spriritual level that I can connect to this Divine Masculine. We all feel completely lost.

    Can someone help me to understand what is going on???

  5. its seems the feminine archetypes are manifesting in the 3rd dimension to restore the balance of the mascluline and feminine. Check out Lucia Rene’s book and site:

  6. awakeningwomen says:

    Hi Kathryn, I love what you write. It is a topic that I am exploring deeply in my life. You may enjoy this post from a while back


  7. Kathryn WingedLioness says:

    This was a beautiful article…

    And I wish to add something to what Lion Goodman said…

    Men don’t like to be corrected or criticized, it is true. But neither do women. No human being, in general, likes being corrected or criticized. It is not just the men who have fragile egos…women can have them too. I view it as part of the illusion that is 3D reality…here on Earth is where judgment comes from all directions, aimed at both genders equally, on different topics, on different levels. It is no wonder both genders are so imbalanced.

    It is difficult to present my most personal, deepest thoughts on the Divine Masculine/Divine Feminine without writing a very long post, but I feel compelled to write the following…because, quite frankly, I wish to be heard on this very topic.

    Attitudes that tell women that they’re not supposed to be fierce, angry or pissed off, as well as attitudes that tell men they’re not supposed to be gentle, caring and empathetic, do a gigantic disservice to the very Yin-Yang energy that flows throughout every human being.

    When we women are told–even implicitly–that we’re not supposed to express our anger when we do feel angry, (being expected, instead, to be meek, mild and submissive, no argument allowed), we become even angrier–even to the boiling point for some of us because we’re told we’re not supposed to have a very human emotion. Then our partners (and indeed sometimes, our fathers) wonder why we say we’re fine, when we’re really not. They’re asking us women to be just as stoic as the dudes are expected to be. Sorry, honey, but it ain’t in our wiring, despite what organized religion tries to indoctrinate into our pretty little heads. 😛

    On the flip side, when gentle, sensitive guys get told by BOTH genders that they’re supposed to be “tough” or “macho,” carrying a gun or driving a big loud truck or whatever, I can only imagine the shriveling up inside some of the more super-sensitive guys feel of their own sense of Self. This supposedly shows the “fragile ego” of the human male in some respects, I guess, but I think it’s more of a disrespect and disregard of gentler, deeper feelings overall, the message being that the Divine Feminine aspect in either gender is a bad thing, just because it’s feminine. Sorry, but I don’t get it! Not in the least!

    What I’d love to see is the rebalancing of humanity to where both genders no longer have “fragile egos,” but they express and display resilience and strength when confronting negativity in any form.

    I’ve prattled on long enough about my ideas…*passes the talking stick to someone else* 😀

  8. Bhagwat says:

    Today I just finished the Men`s liberation follow up – and – strange enough – stumbled upon this “link”
    What I always enjoy while being with men – they have so much to give.
    O.k. their “ways of giving” is sometimes strange – but – “giving” is an art.
    So . . . . . . to all the Woman . . . . . have mercy . . . . to learn the art of giving may take some time . . . . as well as it takes time to learn the art of ” receiving”
    But in the end, what is it I am I on this planet for, if not for looking for someone who`s willing to receive what I have to give.
    So . . . . . let´s enjoy the process
    Oh, seems to be my answer to the question: What is divine masculine ?

  9. Such an excellent question and one that captures issues that I commonly hear from my female clients. Chameli’s recommendation of staying present, in eye contact is sage counsel and a practice I must continually return to myself in lovemaking. I think it’s also important for us all to take 100% responsibility for the dynamic we’ve created with our partners and know that we can be at choice about shifting it. I love the feeling of giving my feminine to my partner who may be “drinking” it up and as long as it’s not feeling depleting that can be like a sacrament. But when I’m done or my energy about that shifts, then it’s time for me to get rooted in my own power, my own center. I can choose to live inside my feminine receptivity, attracting, allowing the other to give, meet me, dance with me there. As women, I believe we have tremendous power to shift the energy, to invite the man into another kind of experience.

  10. Lion Goodman says:


    Your response was very clear and very well balanced, with respect for the masculine. I appreciate that approach. Your advice about not criticizing or correcting a man is also excellent. Let’s face it – men have very delicate egos. Criticism sounds just like our Mother, and we don’t want to be in bed with Mom (any more than the questioner wants to be in bed with a needy child).

    But men can be led, small step to small step, toward greater awakening. I lead mens’ groups, and have written an e-book of advice for men called “Menlightenment.” I would be happy to send to anyone who requests one (email I would also recommend to all women that they direct their men to David Deida’s work, especially “The Way of the Superior Man,” which is written in a language most men can relate to.

    And a special hello to Raffaella, whom I know.

    Lion Goodman

  11. raffaella beltrami says:

    vulnerability ist Verletzlichkeit…….have a good day sisters

  12. Ursula says:

    Thank you sister, that you asked this important question.
    Thank you Chameli for your very deeply answer. Thank you for reminding me, to see my feminine devine and the devine of my partner.
    Please can someone write me, what vulnerability is, perhaps in German. My dictionary didn’t find this word.

    I bow to all of you

  13. Colleen says:

    I’ll be honest, I was procrastinating while reading this post and have not finished reading it but I have already taken something great from it.

    “When feelings come, breathe into them, give them space and sounds, but drop the story attached to the feelings”

    This is such a great way to say something that I’ve been struggling to explain to everyone from my parenting clients to my four year old.

    Thank you and I will be back to read on.

    Cheers and Light,

  14. raffaella beltrami says:

    Thank you for asking that question, sister and thank you for answering so specifically Chameli. Your words are like rose petals, their fragrance, their softness, their beauty are bringing me home again and again and again…..never ending
    love always love Raffaella

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