I love what you provide here, it’s very helpful. After rejecting the patriarchal religion I grew up in, for several years I’ve been seeking to allow myself to more deeply know and embody the Divine Feminine, to learn more fully who I innately am, and to engage clearly in sacred sexuality. I finally met a man who was earnestly seeking the Divine Feminine, and he’s been very encouraging of my explorations.
However, when we engage sexually, it feels like his energy is all about worshipping the Feminine, drawing energy from Her, suckling at Her breast, devouring Her — and I don’t feel the presence of the Divine Masculine, the partner, the complementation. Instead I feel like I’m nourishing a child who has an endless appetite. I felt like I entered the relationship as a whole being, seeking a whole partner, but it seems like he came into it looking for someone to fill the empty places inside him.
He also wants sex to be lusty, with “juicy” talk, things that remind me of past partners who indulged in pornography and wanted me to satisfy them. This, plus the feeling of being consumed by him, makes me feel unsafe — which is very depressing, because in other ways he’s so deeply supportive of who I am.
It’s hard for me to convey to my lover what I feel is missing, because it’s hard for me to define or describe. So my question is, where and what is the Divine Masculine? I feel like I get glimpses of Him here and there, in various men friends as well as in this man. And what are the ways that men can discover and develop their own embodiment of this Divine Masculine?
Thank you so much for writing so honestly about this topic, I think many women will find it very helpful.
First I want to share with you a little practice that you may want to do with your lover, that may bring new levels of intimacy, pleasure and connection with spirit for both of you.
Next time you are intimate together, make it a practice to keep the eye connection most of the time. Breathe and be present together. You can share with your man that having sex brings up different feelings in you, and that you will practice a new way of being with them, that will bring you closer to him instead of closing you down. That you simply need him to practice to be present, to hold the space.
In India this spacious masculine Presence is embodied through the God Shiva. So the more you can feel Shiva in your partner, that he is totally there, the more you can melt and surrender as feminine essence. When feelings come, breathe into them, give them space and sounds, but drop the story attached to the feelings, the depth you long for you will find through the feelings, not through the story. Also use very little words. See if you can share your insecurity, your joy, your tears and laughter. Just in a free flow. Your man is to practice to stay centered, to not be swayed away, but fully present for you. In this he will be showered with feminine essence on a much deeper level then only the physical. The more he can provide you with that container the more he will be satisfied himself. It is like a loop. The same way the other way. The more you show him your vulnerability, the more he will step into presence. Your practice is to stay open even when feelings arise, to stay with him.
When you have established this container of Presence, it is possible that you will feel that it is okay and even fun sometimes to play with sexy words etc. Now you can move through whatever old feeling this may evoke in you as it arises, and be back in the flow of love. The eye connection is very helpful as a connection point when you begin to play like this. Then you can all them time feel each other being there together in love, and when you feel you loose the Presence, you can take breaks and breathe together again.
Now, it is important that once you are practicing that you don’t in any way correct him or criticize him. this will work against you. Have compassion with him and your self, and some humor. We are all doing our best.
The Divine Masculine takes many forms just like the Divine Feminine, Shiva is only one aspect. There are many ideas of how it should look like or not, and for us women it can be a trap to be too caught up in how our men should be or act. In this critical mode we are closing our own heart, and frankly it is not getting us what we long for. As you say yourself, you can feel the Divine Masculine when He shows up, in your lover or someone else. When you see Him in your partner make it a point to adore Him, celebrate Him , again it is all about the loop. When you see it in others celebrate it inside if that is most appropriate.
The Divine masculine and Divine feminine are showing up in relationships as a dynamic loop. We can easily interrupt that loop, by not feeling secure enough in our feminine. We stay in tense place where the man has no chance to enter. It is vulnerable to relax into the feminine, to allow for the man to show up and to come fully into us on all levels.
We have of course as women both masculine and feminine qualities, and we use our masculine sides a lot in our world today. It is nothing wrong with that. But when it comes to intimate relationhips it is very helpfull to be familiar and to feel comfortable in your feminine. For most of us this takes some conscious practice.
In our Awakening Women practice we are getting familiar with the realm of the feminine again, we practice to open and to receive, we discover new levels of strength in the most vulnerable places. We practice to allow the wild rain bow of feelings to flow through us like the weather. If you would like to start your own Awakening Women’s group you can get the manual here. We also have more home study materials in our web shop
Many blessings on your exploration
With Love, always