(image from ashesandsnow.org)
If I asked you what area of your life is not really fulfilling for you, what area of your life is most compromised or lacking, I will guess that 90% of you will answer “intimate relationship.”
This does not mean to imply that we all have dysfunctional relationships or that we are all lacking relationships. I say that many will give this answer because the process of exploring and deepening one’s intimate relationships is endless and infinite.
Relationships have no end to development and deepening. You will never reach the day where you can look at your to do list and cross off “perfect relationship.” There are always deeper levels of honesty and intimacy to explore. You can always deepen your celebration of love.
As women we have an intuition in our heart that intimate relating can be more ecstatic than what most of us experience currently. Intimate relationship can be one of our most profound teachers.
A deep relationship can gift us profoundly, and yet many of us have settled for less. We collapse into cynicism imagining that an amazing relationship is just a dream. In our effort to ignore our dissatisfaction we direct our attention elsewhere. We don’t fully feel our emotions of frustration and instead we watch TV, eat junk food, and numb ourselves to our experience.
Many of us is trapped in daydreaming and postponement. We compare this moment with an ideal future state, telling ourselves that one day we will experience love as it was meant to be. We will find the perfect partner, the perfect lover, the perfect person, or even more common, one day my partner will change and be perfect.
When we get stuck in projecting our longing into the future we continue to numb ourselves to the present experience. Pay attention to the longing for love inside of you, present here right now. It is a powerful force. When you stay here in the present, experience this longing in your heart, you become softer, more vulnerable, and more receptive of life. You become more receptive to love. Not as a dream in the future, but as a lived reality now.
You can bring this love into your life right now, this very instant. Don’t focus too much on the specific object of your longing, but rather pay attention to the source of your longing. The first step to bringing a deep satisfying love into your life, is to realize and directly experience that the love you are longing for is not out in the world. It is in your own heart.
(This is an excerpt from a home study workbook I am writing. Coming soon)
in deep infinite longing,