I am here

raw, skinless, bruised, baffled,
integrated, incarnated, initiated,
basking in the softest compassion,
held in a majestic freedom and joy,
utterly in awe and in love,
with myself.

My underworld journey these past years has been brutal, disintegrative,
healing, enlightening.

It was instigated by a perfect storm; a cosmic stew of global pandemic, cancellation of all live gatherings, feeling the responsibility for our beautiful all-women workplace and the livelihood for myself and my beloved team; huge creative visions and bringing it all into manifestation (so proud…); doing a thousand things for the first time; racial and social upheaval, keyboard warfares, physical warfares, constant change of plans; expansion, sleepless nights; enormous investments of energy, resources and finances and creating an online sanctuary for our community to gather when we could not even leave our homes.

It was menopause, it was challenging shifts in core relationships,
it was the death of my boy Shuba.
It was losing my ground, my center, my trust, my… everything.

And it was the most brutiful falling apart;
profound ancestral healing,
opening of a thousand eyes, retrieval of innocence;
breaking patterns, balancing galaxies, frozen roars released.

It was the turning towards lost and forgotten parts of myself.
Each part seen and woven back into love was feeding love,
and love grew, wild, free, expanded beyond what I thought was possible.
Come, come, all of me, welcome home,
devastating terror, rage and pain,
embraced, seen, loved
at last.

Ahh… the relaxation. The simplicity. The joy.
The gratitude to my guides in this world and beyond.
My sisters, my family, my team and my soul doulas, Helena and Chris. I bow.

Inanna, beloved sister, teacher. Erishagal, oh, I had no idea.
Durga, Tara, Freya. Dhumavati, Matangi, Maha Maya, I bow.
Kali beloved, Lakshmi jai ma! Gaia, Bhairavi, Bagalamukhi, oh I bow.
I bow. I bow. I bow a thousand times.

I am taking baby steps now, into this tender wild freedom.
Surrendering deeper with each breath. In wonder of what is next.

I am carving space for open time, watching trees time,
where I can be still enough, empty enough
to hear the impulses from the deep.

One thing I know for sure is that I will keep creating sacred space for the wild lovers of the Living Goddess to come together to remember our miraculous beauty, to fall apart, to reclaim our ecstasy and healing gifts. To grieve and heal and expand in ever growing love. To retrieve our dance, instincts and rituals, to pray, to surrender and let Her move us. For the benefit of all.

Sending you a BIG warm hug, know that no matter what you are going through you are supported, held and loved in the arms of Eternal Mother. ALWAYS.

In peace,